Tunnel Vision

I’ve been on my own for years but I’ve never really lived for myself. I’ve always been on someone else’s chain, the disgruntled slave.

Always chosen as the scape goat or as the person to use and abuse.

I’m fucking sick of it. I’m sick of being treated like shit. Like an afterthought, a person to rinse.

From this day on I will only see myself. I will only focus and work on myself. Anything that does not involve/effect me is instantaneously irrelevant. 

Self improvement mode overdrive! 

– No soda, sweets.

– more yoga.

– Bed time at 11:30-12am

– minimal cursing

– nails and toes always done. Always look good.

– compete 3-5 songs a week

– get a new car

– read a book a week

– get my own apartment. No roommate.

– love myself a lot more.

Let’s see what happens!

Stripping Down

I can be quite neurotic

Often, voices of the past replay in my head, limiting me, chastising me, shaming me…

These voices simply have no place in a life full of joy

My main focus is to disconnect from these inhibitors

I’m free, I’m myself, I’m happy, I’m love and I’m everything and nothing, all at the same time.


Summer Update

Been all over the place. Just trying to stay afloat but also get ahead. Thank God I’m not paying off any crazy student loans right now! That’s one thing the I’m super grateful for. It gets really hard sometimes but it’s all worth it. It feels really good to be able to afford my own life.



I must withdraw, I cannot stay
Your presence lingers when you leave
Your scent tortures me
When I lay in bed I pretend you are there writhing beside me
Your kiss felt like a permanent residence, my dream home
There, a garden in full bloom
What’s real and what’s imagined blurs more and more
The longer we talk, the deeper my affection grows
This connection, I must break
This feeling, I must spurn
Let me say, my intentions are pure
I would never place my force upon you
I know that you’re a bird
I want you to be free to be you
My heart yearns on, but I can no longer spare my love
I cannot pretend like this means nothing
I must run away and hurt me before you hurt me
Kills us before this kills me
Your list of women ever so long
Your affections spread wherever you go
And I..
Want more than this, deserve more than this..
You’re a rose in mid-bloom but dear
I must allow you to do just that

Leave a Message


I dread the thought of your voicemail, even to this day
I planned this call
I built it up
A mental house of cards
This would be the call of all calls
This conversation would end all contemplation
It would stroke my ego heavily
You would tell me everything that I ever wanted to hear you say
It would end perfectly
…Just as we are about to fall asleep or maybe 45 minutes after the end of the work day, or maybe even…
I thought of all the times that I could call, the different days..
The many things that I could say
Hour by hour I enumerated until I finally worked up the urge..

You have reached the voicemail box of….